December 10, 2020
Transcript:
0:01
All right.
0:01
So thank you, everybody for being with us today.
0:05
We really appreciate your joining us.
0:06
My name is Kim Murdoch.
0:08
I’m Communications Manager for NAMI, New Hampshire.
0:10
I will be facilitating our panel today.
0:12
We have a terrific conversation on tap.
0:14
So I’m so glad that you’re here.
0:17
This holiday season looks and feels very different from any other in our lives.
0:23
Today we’re going to get real in our conversation as we discuss what’s personally challenging right now and share tips for helping to navigate the season in light of COVID with a focus on connection and on self-care.
0:37
We invite you to be part of the conversation by using the Q&A function on the webinar today.
0:43
So the first question that we have for our folks who are joining us today for our attendees is what is hard for you right now, if you’re willing.
0:53
What are you experiencing that you haven’t felt before?
0:56
And again, if you can share your thoughts in the Q&A, our panelists will be able to address them during our conversation this afternoon.
1:04
So turning right to our panelists, I would like to introduce you to a terrific group of folks who are going to have all sorts of great feedback to share with us today.
1:13
And we will start off with their introductions.
1:17
Sam, if you want to kick it off.
1:20
Hey guys, thanks so much for joining.
1:22
My name is Samantha Captain.
1:24
I am the peer support team leader over at Riverbend’s Emergency Services Department and that is located in Concord, NH.
1:34
I am someone who is a peer.
1:37
So I have my own lived experience as a consumer of mental health services and struggling with the mental health challenges.
1:45
I am in recovery and I am a trauma survivor.
1:48
I am also a professional photographer and I am a human who’s driven by empathy and compassion for everyone.
1:58
And I’m so glad to be here today.
2:00
Thanks so much.
2:01
And Next up, Jen.
2:07
Hi everyone.
2:08
My name is Jennifer Schmidt and I’m a licensed clinical mental health counselor.
2:12
And currently, I work in the child and family department at Lakes Region Mental Health Center.
2:19
I am here today not just as a clinician, but as a human being and just struggling with COVID and the stress of the holidays and everything that’s been thrown at us this lovely year of 2020.
2:34
And as a family member of really important people in my life that struggle and have struggled with mental illness.
2:40
So thanks for having me.
2:42
Thank you, Jen.
2:43
We’re so glad you’re here.
2:44
And Michelle, hi there Michelle Wagner.
2:48
I work at NAMI, New Hampshire as a Community Educator and Peer Services Coordinator.
2:53
Prior to that I spent about 20 years working as a nurse and I am still an RN, although not practicing that at NAMI, New Hampshire.
3:04
I I also am a mother.
3:08
So that’s sort of that defines me pretty broadly.
3:11
Three sons, two of them have struggled for the last decade, had struggled with mental health challenges.
3:18
So I look through that lens.
3:19
I also am a person in recovery and I live alone, which with our topics that are coming up brings its own set of challenges for me.
3:35
Thank you so much, Sam, Jen and Michelle for sharing your time with us today.
3:40
So we’re going to start out by talking about what are we incredibly challenged by right now.
3:45
I want to share a few folks have already weighed in difficult, not being with family, also challenged by not being able to socialize and hug loved ones as we normally would during the holiday season and being isolated in a work at home environment.
4:01
Certainly anxiety in general about COVID and associated risks are all things that some of our attendees today are struggling with.
4:10
Also anxiety around planning or not being able to plan.
4:15
Experiencing loneliness alone with a partner who’s left and left, the individual and their daughter this past summer.
4:24
And then the stress of trying to limit interactions with others when others in direct circle aren’t following the same guidelines.
4:32
So those are some of the initial thoughts.
4:33
And thank you so much to all of our attendees for sharing what’s challenging you.
4:37
So now I’m going to turn it over to our panelists.
4:40
What’s incredibly challenging for you right now?
4:45
Go ahead, Sam.
4:48
Oh, so much.
4:49
I was just going to take this challenging right now.
4:52
You know, I I think for many people that anxiety to do with our own physical safety.
5:01
And you know, as someone who’s who’s experienced traumas in the past, I know that’s particularly difficult.
5:07
You know, for me and for anyone else who’s experienced A trauma history, it’s just there’s so much, and I would echo that for sure.
5:19
I think never in my lifetime have we been in a position where we’ve had to make these decisions every day.
5:29
Faced with such great dilemma around do I go to the grocery store?
5:33
Do I not go to the grocery store?
5:34
Do I drive to see my family?
5:37
Can I travel to another state?
5:39
Should I travel to another state?
5:41
Can I stop and use a restroom along the way?
5:44
I mean these these decisions that we’re making generally we’re not dilemmas in the past and to have these all of a sudden out of the clear blue for us become challenges is just it’s can feel really overwhelming.
6:03
Yeah, I could certainly add to that.
6:05
You know, so many unknowns right now.
6:07
And I think as human beings we are not, you know, designed to be under this constant level of stress that we’ve been facing for for nine months now.
6:18
And it’s only increasing over the past month or or two here in our own state of New Hampshire because the numbers are here now.
6:26
So it takes a toll on your body and your mind, your psyche to just be faced with this unknown and and making these decisions every day that could impact our lives and the lives of the people we love.
6:40
It feels like the stakes are so high for each very minor decision, you know, and it’s not just limited to, you know, COVID.
6:51
It’s it’s our political climate.
6:53
It’s how do we navigate, you know, all the pressures that we’re facing at home, at work, with kids, with families.
7:01
You know, what do we do if we have families who we disagree with politically?
7:05
I know I experienced that even in my own household.
7:09
It’s just there’s so many challenges coming at us from every direction that feels so heavy right now.
7:16
Yeah, levels of challenges for sure.
7:19
And I know because we had talked previously before we had this webinar and just the challenges within a household about mask wearing and travel and when you have family that disagrees with you, particularly if you’re sharing walls, which I am not, yes, then it that becomes incredibly challenging.
7:42
And I have a dear friend who I know one of our folks put into the the chat that they are there are without their partner.
7:51
Now.
7:51
My friend, also her husband of many years moved out in February just before this all broke and she’s desperate to go see her sister in California.
8:03
This dear friend also has asthma and has worked very hard to keep herself safe during the pandemic.
8:10
So do you travel during the pandemic?
8:12
Do you not travel during the pandemic?
8:14
She’s been glued to the news to see how things are going to make a decision and she’s supposed to travel on Christmas Day and it could come right down to the wire before she makes that decision.
8:28
That’s tough.
8:29
I, and I think, you know to add to it, there’s a lot of confusion around messaging and people have different opinions and views and you know some from all extremes, right?
8:42
You have some folks who don’t believe it exists to people who are, you know, terrified by it.
8:47
And we’re relying on and trusting the people that we work with and our peers and our friends and families to be doing the right thing.
8:55
And again that definition differs for each person that’s causing conflicts.
9:00
We’re we’re seeing that.
9:03
I’ve experienced that myself and and what has helped me in those moments is trying to have just as much compassion for people who I disagree with as I possibly can.
9:16
Trying to just understand, you know, how someone arrived at their point of view and and have compassion for what they are also going through.
9:25
Because these decisions they are not easy for any of us.
9:30
Absolutely.
9:31
And I I have found myself; I found my fuse being far shorter than it normally is, that my ability to to be tolerant and not judgmental has been challenged, really challenged.
9:46
I I think of it like layers of skin and it feels like like my first layer of skin is gone with all of the stresses with this pandemic.
9:56
Oh my gosh, Michelle, I couldn’t say it enough.
10:00
Yes, fuses are short.
10:01
And I think for me it’s because the activities or what I would do normally to recharge or refill my tank aren’t really options right now.
10:13
And it’s it’s dragging on.
10:15
And so like, the tank is empty and I’m not used to my tank being this empty normally.
10:21
I kind of fill it up when I hit, you know, half empty.
10:25
So that’s it’s challenging and it’s it’s provoking some anxiety for sure.
10:32
And one of the biggest ways I refill my tank is by connecting with the people that I love.
10:38
I have people in my life who just buoy me when I see them.
10:44
I feel recharged.
10:45
I feel recalibrated after I spend time in their presence.
10:50
And so I feel like I’m back in high school.
10:51
I’m talking to my friends on the phone now.
10:53
It’s just like I’m 16 all over again.
10:57
And that’s great, but it isn’t the same as being in somebody’s physical presence and the exchange of energy that happens when you’re physically with people and hugging people and and being able to see facial expressions and just feel the warmth that’s transmitted.
11:16
I think it hit me just from a a personal example this past summer.
11:21
It was really exciting.
11:22
We, my brother, my, my niece, my nephews, they all live out of state.
11:27
They live in Utah, so we don’t get together very often.
11:30
Once a year, hopefully twice a year, And it’s it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them and I had to attend my first Zoom wedding, my brother’s wedding, via Zoom.
11:40
It was surreal.
11:41
Like, this is just messed up, missing those milestones, right?
11:48
Yeah.
11:48
My youngest son got married this summer and they had always planned to have a private wedding, but they did plan on having a reception afterwards, which didn’t happen.
11:59
And just the the sadness and the disappointment in that.
12:02
There’s so much grieving that’s going on because there are so many things that are missed.
12:07
I have a friend who’s a music teacher up in the Lakes region.
12:11
And no singing.
12:12
Like those kids Can’t Sing.
12:15
I Can’t Sing when they’re in the classroom.
12:18
And yeah, it just, it’s so challenging in the plays that they would have.
12:23
And the the concerts, the Christmas concerts, none of that.
12:29
And that’s not even to mention the actual grief that we’re going through right now.
12:34
For those people who have actually lost family members and all of this, you know, it’s one thing to grieve like in a distant way, but to not be able to come together when we’re experiencing losses on the level that we are.
12:50
It’s just it’s a challenge that I think no one alive right now has faced before.
12:57
Right.
12:58
Extraordinary times, absolutely.
13:02
And I think we, we’re trying to figure out ways to adapt, but it’s hard to do so.
13:07
And this is not, this is not a Sprint, it’s a marathon.
13:11
You know, it has gone on so long that it requires kind of a different kind of conditioning.
13:17
Absolutely.
13:18
I just want to respond to one question regarding coping skills and tell folks that we are reserving, reserving.
13:23
Most of our time will be spent on how are we dealing with this and what are our tips.
13:28
We do just want to flesh out and recognize the realities of what folks are are dealing with right now.
13:35
There was so grateful to our panelists for opening up and sharing for you.
13:38
And I asked in your practices in your organizations, what else are you seeing that maybe we haven’t touched on?
13:46
Maybe in terms of schooling or weather or very real financial concerns, I can jump in and say, you know, working here at the mental Health Center, we’re seeing everything financially.
14:01
You know I don’t think it’s it’s anything new.
14:04
People are are struggling you know, they’re not working or work is very uncertain.
14:10
The constant in and out of having to to quarantine at home awaiting test results schools, these poor kids not being able to have a normal school year and going back and forth between hybrid and school shutting down and parents work schedules.
14:28
It’s just it’s a lot.
14:32
The weather doesn’t help.
14:33
I think in the summer in New Hampshire, part of us, a part of us as human beings, we were able to to pretend a little bit.
14:39
That’s maybe it’s not so bad.
14:41
We’re out and about.
14:42
We live in a gorgeous state.
14:43
We could eat outside at restaurants and almost pretend things were normal.
14:49
And we don’t have that illusion anymore.
14:51
It’s not normal.
14:53
It’s cold, it’s dark, It’s winter.
14:55
And a lot of those options have been taken away for now.
15:01
I think a lot more people are having to ask for help than have ever had to ask before.
15:07
You know, whether that’s financial help, whether it it’s, you know, going to a food pantry or turning to a mental health professional for the first time in their life.
15:18
Like, we’re seeing a lot of that as well.
15:20
A lot of new people coming in looking for services, a lot of people who don’t necessarily have insurance anymore after having lost a job, you know, who need help connecting to that kind of supports.
15:32
It’s, it’s coming at us from every aspect, right?
15:36
People who have never dealt with anxiety and depression before are now feeling symptoms.
15:43
This is so foreign to some people who are those of us who have dealt with it forever.
15:48
And then for many people, this is brand new.
15:50
And I also think about people who have loved ones with mental health challenges.
15:56
The holidays just in and of themselves can be incredibly challenging.
16:01
Adding COVID on top of it is just a recipe for stress, stress and more stress.
16:10
So important to remember those folks and you know, as someone who has, you know, dealt with anxiety and things like that for most of my life, I almost feel like I have more tools than someone who’s dealing with it for the first time.
16:26
You know, I have a very well-established, self-care routine and practice.
16:32
I have, you know, connections to providers who help me.
16:36
And I have, you know, coping skills that I have learned over the years what have worked for me and that has made such a big difference for me.
16:46
Whereas I think people who are experiencing this kind of thing for the first time may be even more challenged than someone like me and Sam, That’s a perfect segue.
16:57
So we’re going to transition and say okay.
16:59
So we’ve looked at the realities of of what COVID and this season and the impending holidays are looking like for our panelists, for the folks with whom they work.
17:09
So the question to them and to our attendees today is, So what can we do?
17:14
What are we doing that’s helping us?
17:17
So again, we’d love if you use the Q&A or the chat.
17:20
And everybody who attends today is going to get a list of all these tips put together and also some resources.
17:27
So please share what’s working for you and panelists what’s what’s helping, what’s working.
17:34
Sure.
17:36
For me it’s been really helpful to to remember that I need to make sure you know I’ll go back to talking about having my tank bill.
17:46
I need to be sure that I am taking care of me first so I can help people to the best of my ability.
17:53
And it’s almost you’ve heard it.
17:54
If you fly in an airplane right before you take off, the flight attendants say in the event of an emergency, God forbid, then the oxygen mask drop.
18:03
Please put yours on first before you apply it to your children or the people near you.
18:08
And it’s so true.
18:10
We need to help ourselves first, to have the strength to support everyone around us.
18:14
So I am making sure that even though I’m I’m very stressed right now and it’s a tough time of year to do the things that help me.
18:24
One of the first things that is very helpful to me and I have a little ceremony every single year and it has to do with the darkness.
18:32
It’s the challenging time of year.
18:34
The days are are short, they’re dark and it’s winter and it can feel almost claustrophobic to me.
18:41
So just knowing that the winter solstice is coming up December 21st, once we hit that, the days are going to start to get longer and the light is coming back in and I mark that day on my calendar and I circle it and I start and I stamp it and I wait for it because it’s such a shift and it’s call it a psychological trick, but it helps.
19:01
And so that’s a little something I wanted to share, just knowing once we hit that mark, we’re going, we’re going back into the light.
19:13
I am an introvert, so it is very natural for me to spend a lot of time alone.
19:21
I can tell you that in the midst of COVID, it has become way too much of a good thing.
19:27
So one of the things I need to do is to reach out to other people and to to make a concerted effort to stay connected.
19:38
I consider myself, I’m one of those good Yankees.
19:41
I don’t need help.
19:42
I can do this on my own, and that just isn’t true.
19:45
I have found myself stressed in ways I just have never been in the past and I, as I said, I’m in recovery.
19:55
So getting support, doing support work is just really important for me and I have up to the number of groups that I’m with during the course of a week.
20:05
Which and I feel really grateful that that’s that even though I’m an introvert is very intuitive to me to that I know that if I don’t do it that I’m letting go of my lifeline if I don’t stay connected in that way.
20:19
One of the things I had done last week also was normally I mean I love my job.
20:26
It’s a great job.
20:28
I love what I do.
20:29
But I was just feeling overwhelmed.
20:31
I’m actually in the process of moving.
20:33
I’m buying a home, so I’ll be moving into a house for the first time in 10 years and that combined with COVID, combined with Christmas, combined with everything else just was feeling daunting to me and I thought, I need to just detach.
20:53
I need to take time off.
20:54
It wasn’t that I was sick.
20:56
I’ve I’ve been very wary about using days off because I want to save them in case, I end up getting COVID or someone I love ends up getting COVID.
21:05
But I thought I need to prioritize, and I need to be in this moment and in this moment, I need to take some time off.
21:13
So I woke up that morning and I’m like, I I’ve got to do it.
21:18
Part of me always wants to plan well, tomorrow’s going to be a sunnier day.
21:21
Maybe I should take tomorrow off.
21:23
But I thought I don’t feel good today.
21:26
So it was a mental health day and fortunately I work for an organization that honors that, so I could do that comfortably.
21:35
I think it’s so important to have, you know, compassion for ourselves in this moment.
21:41
And I think, you know, taking a mental health day is certainly something that we can do to have compassion for ourselves when we are struggling.
21:50
And and that’s whether you have a mental health condition or not.
21:55
I think, you know, we all have days where we just can’t take on more, but we also have days where we can.
22:02
And I think in those days when we have extra to give, it’s important to give.
22:08
It’s important to give back to show compassion for ourselves first, but also for everyone we come into contact with.
22:17
You know, we talked about that irritability and kind of rawness that we’re all feeling, but everyone is feeling that.
22:25
So when we can show each other compassion and respond to stress with grace, you know, and and really support each other through this moment and give back, give back to each other, You know, just help each other out.
22:42
Because there’s always going to be a day for every one of us where we need our our help from somewhere.
22:49
And so when we can to offer it each to each other, it can be really hard to ask for help for a lot of different reasons.
22:59
You know you might feel guilty or that you’re burdening someone.
23:02
I know I can struggle with that at times.
23:05
But it’s it’s important to remember that asking for help is also allowing the person that you’re asking to give a gift.
23:13
It feels really good to help somebody and that’s a gift.
23:19
So it’s sometimes if you’re struggling to say I need something, think of it that way.
23:23
You’re allowing that person an opportunity to to give you a gift.
23:28
And that feels darn good.
23:31
Yeah, I mean, it’s on my self-care practice, on my routine to be in service to others, you know, to do something, to help someone else because it in turn feeds my soul, you know?
23:42
And I think it’s important that we are doing that in this moment and not only by asking for it, but giving it.
23:50
And it has to go both ways.
23:54
I want to make sure, just quickly share a couple of comments that we had from attendees.
23:59
So we had.
24:00
When I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I try to stop myself in the moment and evaluate why I’m getting frustrated and do my emotions match the situation.
24:10
It helps to self reflect when I am able to and it put things, puts things in perspective for me.
24:16
And then also what’s helping somebody else is making sure I work out walk my dog as much as I can, calling friends, letting my son schedule the weekends.
24:26
Living in the world of a child is a joyful break and being creative.
24:31
And on that issue of children, I wonder, Jen specifically do you have thoughts on parents who have younger kids at home and and how to help their kids right now?
24:40
Sure.
24:41
I’m going to say once again, put your oxygen mask on 1st, OK?
24:46
Because it’s really easy to to kind of snap and get irritable during this time and you got to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and kids.
24:55
We’re we’re seeing a lot of kids coming in with levels of anxiety and depression that are, you know, that are increasing.
25:03
It’s it’s different.
25:04
And they’re getting hit from all sides at home with, you know, adult issues that they’re overseeing and hearing at school.
25:12
So just remember, kids are tuning in, they’re listening.
25:15
And so the way that you are responding and reacting to the news or to the stressors are how they are going to kind of, you know, form their own opinions about what’s going on.
25:27
I would be really cautious in limiting media news.
25:31
If you have the news on 24/7, it could be alarming.
25:35
And even if you’re not a kid, taking a media break is good.
25:41
Getting outside, getting unplugged, staying active, trying to be as normal as possible in a really abnormal time, keeping up with traditions that you can.
25:53
Those are all things that I would suggest.
25:58
I have a coworker that talked about getting outside, and he said even if I just walk outside and stand on the porch for a few minutes, it’s not like you have to go out, get bundled up and take a great walk, he said.
26:13
Just literally getting outside for a few minutes can help him just sort of come back to center and then go back to what he was doing, and I think that’s a really great idea.
26:25
I think for me, I’m thinking about expectations on parents trying to show up in this way of being in charge and in control and just feeling so much stress around it.
26:38
A big piece of this is just lowering expectations for ourselves because normally I can perform okay and boy, it’s just that is just not the case now.
26:49
I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.
26:52
Like I said, my fuse is short.
26:54
I’ve gotten really frustrated with a driver last week and I’m thinking, wow, this just really isn’t me.
27:02
And so to recognize that we’re all feeling that way, it’s not just, oh, I’m not handling this very well because that’s what I can end up feeling like all other people seem to have their stuff together through this.
27:15
But boy, I’m really struggling and and that isn’t the case.
27:19
So letting ourselves off the hook and just lowering our expectations and recognizing, yeah, just how extreme the circumstances are.
27:30
Anyone, Everyone is impacted dramatically by this.
27:35
Some people more so than others.
27:37
As we talked about people who are dealing with sick loved ones, that’s a huge challenge.
27:42
Parents who are trying to juggle home and work and school with their kids and just being kinder and gentler with ourselves.
27:53
I think it’s important that that when we need to say no to additional tasks or responsibilities that we give ourselves the break that we need.
28:03
You know, so many of us are just driven.
28:05
Go, go, go.
28:07
I have to do everything perfectly.
28:08
Anytime I’m asked to help, I just need to help.
28:12
Sometimes we need to say no.
28:14
If our bucket is empty, focus on refilling it first.
28:20
I agree we’re seeing it a lot with the holidays too.
28:23
Families have, you know, I don’t know about you all with Thanksgiving, but you know who’s getting together, who’s not, what’s going to happen with Christmas?
28:31
So knowing what you are comfortable with in setting that boundary and being okay with it and no one can really control how other people are going to react, but that’s on them, right.
28:48
We’ve all got to make decisions that we can be comfortable with or as comfortable as we can, you know and and just feeling comfortable just listening to what yourself is telling you and what you need for yourself to feel comfortable in the moment being okay with it.
29:05
You know, even if you’re feeling like you’re letting somebody down, sometimes you got to and you have to be okay with it as fast as it is.
29:15
Yeah, that can be really hard for many of us, whether you’re a parent and you’re supposed to be taking care of somebody else or you’re in the caregiving professions, as we all are.
29:26
For many of us, it’s easier to put the focus on somebody else.
29:29
And this is really foreign to be looking at ourselves and as one of the attendees had said about just really focusing on self in the moment, What do I need right now?
29:41
What am I feeling?
29:41
What’s going on?
29:43
And for many of us, that’s Warren.
29:45
We’re looking around us and saying what does this person and that person and everyone else need, but not ourselves.
29:52
So coming back to self, this is new territory for many of us with a spotlight getting turned in on ourselves in order to March through this in a healthy way.
30:03
And that self-reflection, taking that moment to reflect on your emotional state and say, you know, am I, am I doing myself justice?
30:13
Am I, am I serving my purpose here, You know, is this harming me?
30:18
Do I need to reassess what I’m going to do next?
30:21
Taking that pause, taking a breath, you know, and and I think you know the person who said, you know, I I need to just go outside, and I don’t need to put on a coat.
30:32
I can just step out onto my doorstep.
30:34
You know, there’s there’s a real benefit in just cold air.
30:38
So as much as you know, many of us are lamenting how cold it is outside, you know, it can actually help with anxiety it to to having cold on your face really reduces some of that emotional intensity.
30:52
At least it does for me.
30:55
It can be helpful to even just open a window.
30:58
Taken a couple of deep breaths of fresh cold air makes a big difference in that vein.
31:04
Sam, I wonder, you had mentioned previously you brought a toolkit to this COVID era.
31:10
You had a preexisting toolkit, so could you share some of those things in your toolkit that predated COVID that are helping you now?
31:18
Sure.
31:19
You know, I I have a regular routine, a regular support system as well.
31:27
You know, when when I’m feeling like I just can’t, I do take those mental health dates.
31:38
I also find that it’s really helpful for me to build beauty in the world, you know, whether it’s taking a beautiful photo, which I love to do, or making a beautiful meal, you know, and taking the time to just enjoy something that feeds my soul.
31:57
You know, I I think sleeping is so important and so challenging for me.
32:04
You know, I have had insomnia for over a decade and yet having a good sleep hygiene routine and giving myself the best chance to get a good night’s sleep.
32:18
Gratitude practice, which can feel really hard right now.
32:22
But it’s so important, you know, taking time to even just at the dinner tables, sharing your joys and concerns from the day, you know, if if we have someone to share those with.
32:37
You know, having a a contact point, someone to touch base with.
32:43
Deep breathing helps me a lot.
32:47
Probably more than anything else, just grounding skills.
32:51
I could probably go on and on and on, but I want to hear what other people are doing too.
32:58
Fantastic.
32:58
Thank you.
33:01
So when you mention the eating and sharing, you know, sharing with your partner or whomever family members, it’s really challenging when you live alone.
33:12
So while every meals get eaten alone and I found myself I can turn to food when I’m feeling out of sorts and that was part of my go to, and I really have had to think about this.
33:24
Is what I’m doing helping me or harming me?
33:28
And that was not helping me.
33:29
I needed it in the moment to get through, but then I could recalibrate.
33:34
So healthy eating is just really up front and center.
33:37
I have a myriad of food sensitivities that I’ve developed over the years and healthy cooking, so I have to set aside time to make healthy food and that’s a lot of energy and a lot of work, but that needs to be a priority for me.
33:55
Also, I have been getting up in the morning.
33:58
I had done it when COVID first started, and we were relegated to home.
34:02
I got into a yoga practice, which I’ve come and gone with over the years, so I got back into that.
34:09
I hurt my back.
34:10
I fell away from it for a while, but now I’m back in it and I just find that it really helps me start my day in a much more positive way.
34:20
One of the things I do at night before I go to bed, and I’ve done it for years is spiritual reading.
34:25
I have daily readers that I read, They’re quick, they’re snippets, and for me that just helps me sort of pull back in and quiet down to go to sleep at night.
34:38
So that is really, really helpful making sure I touch base with somebody during the day since I do live alone, I have these friends is two of two to three people that I end up talking to almost every day and that really has helped tremendously and just trying to to think about other people too and remaining tethered as we’ve talked about.
35:05
So remaining in touch with family and friends, we had talked previously, send a card, do whatever it takes to stay connected.
35:14
I have not been good about Christmas cards and years past.
35:17
This year I’m mailing out Christmas cards because I just think it’s really important.
35:23
So what we know is that relationships with people are precious and now that we can’t be with people, we see that.
35:32
So whatever ways to stay connected are really important.
35:36
And so for me, sometimes it’s figuring out each day what can I do to connect with the people that I love.
35:45
Beautifully said, for myself, connection is key.
35:52
And this circumstance that we’re in has almost, it’s allowed me to do a lot of of thinking about connections and the importance of people in my life.
36:00
And you know, life before this and even now is it’s super busy.
36:06
And there are so many times where I thought, Oh my gosh, I would love to catch up with, you know, so and so or, you know, my old friends from college.
36:12
And then time gets in the way and we’re busy.
36:15
I have really, really made an effort into calling on the phone, oldfashioned style.
36:23
And I have a little goal, two to three people a week that I don’t text them, I don’t e-mail them, I actually pick up the phone.
36:30
And I’ve had some of the best conversations with people that I love, that I’ve lost touch with since this whole thing has started.
36:41
Just making an effort to check in.
36:44
And even if I only have 10 minutes, it’s that’s okay, It’s still 10 minutes to have a great conversation.
36:51
The other thing I’ve been doing is making an effort to turn off the TV, turn off the news that’s going 24/7 and I have a a chair in a a reading corner that I’ve set up nice and cozy and just reading books quietly, all the other noises turned off and that has been wonderful too.
37:09
It’s it’s a luxury I have not allowed myself in years.
37:15
That reminds me of Sam’s list of tips she had and one of them was reread a favorite book.
37:21
I love that tip.
37:23
And there’s a book that I want to read because I saw Sam’s tips and I I’m someone who has been working on a media diet instead of a food diet.
37:34
You know, my doctor actually recommended it and and said, you know, you need to limit your news consumption.
37:41
And she challenged me.
37:42
Because I’ve always been someone who really wanted to be engaged and felt like it was my civic duty to be informed.
37:50
And she said how much information do you need to be informed and can you get it every other day versus every day?
37:59
She challenged me to you know replace the the news that I was listening to in the car with podcasts that would build up my spiritual you know practice.
38:11
You know things about restoring mental health and and spirituality about, you know, resiliency and things like that and replacing the the constant drain of fear and all the bad things that are going on in the world and replacing it with something that’s positive.
38:33
That makes me think of habits and routine.
38:36
So what habits do we need to to eliminate?
38:40
But also being kind with ourselves these those habits have been friends that have gotten us through.
38:46
So recognizing that too, and just I’ve I’ve had to be gentle with myself and say there’s good reason that you’ve turned to these less healthy habits during this time.
38:59
But then establishing new routines and what I have seen for myself and those around me is that it’s been so easy for routines to just unravel in this time.
39:10
And Sam, when you were talking about bedtime, I could feel my bedtime moving farther and farther back.
39:17
This is not good.
39:18
Then I can’t wake up in the morning.
39:20
I’m having a hard time but I don’t have to get in my car and go to work so my routine had just really fallen apart and working from home my workday can just continue on.
39:32
So I’ve had to really stop and think about that routine, and I have as of late been working on an earlier bedtime looking at the clock and saying okay.
39:41
Now I need to start heading for bed and being pretty diligent about that.
39:46
And then also too, I think work wise and this might be the same in other workplaces as well.
39:53
I think as organizations we need to talk about this and and figure out ways to make sure that folks are having some delineation between work and home because it just all can blend.
40:06
And I think there’s there’s risk in that.
40:10
And I think a big part of routine that we tend to let go, especially if we’re staying at home, is like hygiene, you know, personal hygiene, taking the time to get dressed every morning.
40:23
To take a shower, you know.
40:24
To to brush your teeth, brush your hair, make yourself feel human again, you know, I think that is something that we lose so easily when we’re not leaving the house and when everything feels overwhelming, you know?
40:40
But it’s so important in in building in that routine and just positive things that you can do to take care of yourself.
40:49
Yeah, it it’s a great way to start the day.
40:51
And you’re right, working from home we can get away with a lot right when we don’t have to jump in the car and go to the office or put on the nice clothes we can.
40:59
We’ve all got our favorite pants or sweatpants that we wear from the waist down that no one’s going to see.
41:05
But Sam, I couldn’t agree more.
41:07
I think it is so important to to get up, have that routine, jump in the shower, brush your teeth, put on something nice and it will set the tone for the whole day.
41:16
And make my bed.
41:17
I make my bed.
41:18
Yes, I make my bed every day.
41:20
You mean you get out of your bed?
41:22
No, it’s it’s tough, You know, it’s it’s we’re all outside of our normal routine.
41:30
So keeping as much of our normal routine as we can in these moments, I just think it’s so important.
41:40
And Jenny, the question for you.
41:42
In preparation for today, you had made the comments instead of feeling overwhelmed by grand gestures, try small ones.
41:49
Could you speak to that a little bit?
41:52
Sure.
41:52
I can go back to that goal I have of connecting with two people by phone at least once a week.
41:59
I always feel like I should be doing more.
42:01
Oh my gosh, I need to write this person a card.
42:04
I would love to cook an extra dinner and drop it off.
42:07
And then I get so kind of caught up in it and I don’t know the time and then it doesn’t happen.
42:11
So I’m like whoa, whoa, whoa, just pick up the phone.
42:13
I may only have 5 minutes, but it’s 5 minutes of connection with someone to let them know I’m thinking of them.
42:20
It’s really easy for me at least to push things off because it’s not going to be perfect enough.
42:25
So to focus on the the small things that I can do in the moment that do make a difference.
42:31
So those little things, you know, I don’t need to go on an 8 hour hike up a 4000 foot mountain to feel like I’m doing something, you know, healthy and active.
42:43
It could be a walk to the bottom of my hill in the Culdesac.
42:48
So that’s for me then.
42:51
Yeah, really just important.
42:53
It doesn’t have to be this all or nothing.
42:58
And I would like to add to that.
43:00
When you’re talking about reaching out to people, Jen is to remember those whose who have loved ones who have mental health challenges.
43:08
And knowing that the caregivers and loved ones associated with those people might really be having a hard time.
43:15
So thinking about them, but also to thinking about people who struggle with mental health challenges.
43:20
Oh oh, they need support.
43:23
Anyone who had a diagnosis coming into this maybe having some additional challenges on top of it.
43:32
So thinking about folks where they are with their own mental health, and might they need one of those little boosts that we could give in just a few minutes with a text or a call or a quick e-mail or dropping off a little gift outside of someone’s house or something like that.
43:52
Yeah.
43:52
I was pulling into work this morning and literally pulling into the parking spot and my phone rang and I almost didn’t get it because you know I had all my stuff in my arms and getting ready to do the The Walking with my mask.
44:03
And I just grabbed it and it was one of my friends and and she said, I know you have a really busy day ahead of you.
44:09
I’m just sending you a big old hug through the phone.
44:11
I love you.
44:12
Bye click.
44:13
And it just made my day.
44:14
It was that little and it it, it was just a great way to start.
44:18
The day doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, just the little moments of connect little, right?
44:25
Absolutely.
44:27
That is a great reminder.
44:28
And one of our attendees joining us today reminded us that people with substance use disorder also have exacerbated challenges at this time as well.
44:37
Most definitely, most definitely for me they fall under people with mental health challenges because it’s it’s affecting your mental health if you’re you’re dealing with substance use issues.
44:48
So for me, they’re not separated.
44:50
But thank you, Karen, for pointing that out because that is really important because sometimes people do separate them and like they’re like they’re different.
45:01
And yeah, I I understand that.
45:05
I do my own recovery work around it and I’m very aware.
45:13
Terrific.
45:13
And I think it was Sam in our conversations prior to this afternoon, who had asked you know, in what ways can we show up for each other?
45:21
And I think you each share definitely calling and texting you.
45:25
Remembering the importance, as Jen pointed out, of putting her on your own oxygen mask first, but then also recognizing that it can be selfcare to help others when you’re in a place, but not to feel guilty if you’re not.
45:41
You know, I think there are so many of us who you know are quarantined or you know are isolated and and and maybe just in need of some groceries or a meal.
45:54
So many people who can’t afford the things that they need.
45:56
If we are in a place to give, it’s the time to give so question for our panelists and also for our attendees.
46:11
If you’re willing to weigh in in the Q&A or chat.
46:15
What will we have learned from the experience of going through COVID, especially around connection and self-care?
46:23
What are we learning from this?
46:25
And we’ll let our panelists go in whichever order works for you.
46:29
I’ll go ahead and start.
46:31
I think COVID has been a great equalizer.
46:35
It has affected everyone, you know, universally around the world.
46:41
People have been affected by this in some form.
46:44
So I think one of the greatest lessons coming out of this is our interdependence, how much we need each other and rely on one another and will lead to this appreciation for one another.
47:00
All I can think of is the next time I can be in a room with any of you and how exciting that will feel.
47:08
The elation from actually being able to comfortably be present with other people.
47:15
Just that level of appreciation and gratitude for being able to be with other people.
47:22
And also to just the strength that we have, that we’re all actually really strong.
47:28
And to come through this together and to pull each other through it.
47:32
Because on some days, some of us are going to have more energy than others.
47:36
And are we making sure to grab the hands of those who might be falling back behind us to make sure they come along with us.
47:43
So I think that’s what that’s what part of what we’ll be learning.
47:46
Through this.
47:52
I’ve learned a lot of things about myself, some good, some not so good.
47:56
I think I I’ve learned that patience truly is a virtue and it’s something that I I’m working on to to be gentler with myself and just dealing with things that are uncertain and and unknown.
48:13
But like Michelle said most importantly just what it’s like to be with other human beings.
48:19
The importance of relationships and being with the people you love.
48:23
All those things that we we took for granted when we spoke last week.
48:27
I I was saying it’s so weird for me when I see movies that were filmed like before COVID and you see crowds of people together and it’s like what are they doing?
48:37
What are they doing?
48:37
You know that’s not safe and it’s you forget so easily like what normalcy can be like and and how we as humans are designed to to be a really social species.
48:53
You know, we need each other and I cannot wait to travel again and just to be with the people I love and not have to think about the risks involved.
49:05
I’m looking forward to hugs.
49:07
I’m a hugger.
49:08
I I love that, you know just human touch and support that you can feel when you’re embraced by another person.
49:16
You know, I also long for travel, but I, you know, I’m, I’m keenly aware that like some of the hardest moments of my life have brought the biggest transformations of my life and the biggest opportunities for growth.
49:34
So I’m looking forward to learning how I’m going to grow from this experience, how I will be transformed for the better.
49:43
You know, it’s that hero’s journey where you set off on new territory.
49:47
You experience incredible hardship, but you come back home with these incredible lessons, you know, from the experience of going through that dark time.
49:59
And this is a dark time, but I think it is going to teach us all to be so appreciative of each other.
50:06
You know, even just a hug.
50:09
Absolutely.
50:10
And on that note, one of our attendees had shared learning that compassion of self and others is key.
50:18
Absolutely.
50:19
So as we get ready to close, one of the things that we want to message folks is as you’ve heard today, you’re not alone.
50:27
And whatever you’re experiencing and whatever you’re feeling, you are not alone.
50:33
And also we want to close with some of the resources that are there.
50:37
So not only is it okay to ask for help, it’s really brave to ask for help.
50:42
So if we want to start off, we’ll go Jen, Sam and then Michelle if you want to share some of the resources and we’ll also e-mail these to everybody.
50:51
Excellent.
50:52
So I just want to remind everyone about the National Suicide Prevention Line and the Crisis text line.
50:58
Those are available to you always.
51:01
They are there.
51:01
So please use them if if you need them, valuable, valuable resources.
51:07
Yeah, I’m right.
51:08
Right here in New Hampshire we have, you know, the community mental health centers, the mobile crisis teams, the psychiatric emergency services, crisis treatment centers.
51:19
We have peer support agencies.
51:22
You know, at all of those places you can call and speak to someone who’s got this lived experience of going through mental health challenges and just get that that camaraderie and find your common ground and get support.
51:38
There’s also 211.
51:39
If you’re experiencing anything like the housing crisis or or any type of crisis really, they can connect you to a wide variety of resources.
51:52
And we have NAMI New Hampshire.
51:54
So NAMI has an information and resource line that is available to folks.
52:00
It’s not a crisis line.
52:02
So they’ll be emailing and and or calling and leaving a message, mostly.
52:07
But we’re happy we’ll get back to you, connect you with whatever resources might be available for folks.
52:13
We have support groups for family members, parents, loved ones who have folks with challenges, and then for peers themselves, we have support as well.
52:25
So there’s lots of support out there.
52:28
Plus the one of the projects I support at Nami New Hampshire is a first episode Psychosis Early Serious Mental Illness Initiative.
52:37
And there’s a website affiliated with that project and that’s called Onward NH and that’s where you’ll be able to find this webinar.
52:44
It will be posted under the education page of that website.
52:49
There are great resources on that also some other educational offerings and different some education around different mental health challenges, symptoms that might show up.
53:05
So you can check that out as well.
53:09
Well, I think all of our panelists for joining us today, I think our attendees for joining us today again we’ll send out an e-mail that has all the resources as well as tips from our panelists and attendees.
53:21
I wish we wish you all a very safe and healthy and happy holiday season.
53:26
Take good care.
53:30
So long.
53:30
Thank you.
53:31
I thank you.